Jason & Brandie {family/baby announcement}

Now that she has formally announced it, I can post the pictures!

Rise

There's something to be said for being up with the waking of the sun.

Go Away

I'm not a perfect person.  I have never once claimed to be. I have had terrible things happen to me - both in childhood and in my adult life. Things that people shouldn't experience. And I'm not perfect because I have done shitty things too. Things just being young and dumb. Things out of selfishness. Things out of revenge. And things out of love. Some justified. Some completely misunderstood. It all makes me, me.

 

Rainy nights get to me. The whole dreary.....mood.....really takes me back to where I reexamine the last eight years of my life.  It feels like an entire lifetime wrapped up into almost a decade. 

 

I came upon some quotes recently that really stirred up some emotions - good and bad. Thoughtful. Encouraging. Heartbreaking. All of the above. I really go full circle.

 

After a While

 

After a while, you learn
the subtle difference between
holding a hand and chaining a soul....
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning,
and company doesn't always mean security.

 

And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts
and presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes ahead,
with the grace of a woman,
not the grief of a child.

 

And you learn
to build all your roads on today
because tomorrow's ground is
too uncertain for plans
and futures have a way
of falling down in mid-flight.

 

After a while, you learn
that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden,
and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting
for someone to bring you flowers.

 

And you learn
that you really can endure.
That you really are strong.
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and you learn.
With every goodbye, you learn.

(veronica shoffstall)

 

It's so.....I don't know what the right word is......when you find something of which you are 100% sure, and it crumbles right before your eyes.

 

One day, you're going to want her back.

That girl, who knew she wasn't perfect, but tried to be, for you.

That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you.

Loving you was the only way.

To the girl who saw your flaws, but valued them as much as your strengths.

The girl who still can't hate you, even though you deserve it.

The girl who should have you, but doesn't.

 

And at first, there are excuses. They seem to be logical. Fair. Coupled with pleas to "keep all the details to yourself". After all, there are reputations to uphold, right?

Dirty little secrets.

A "perfect" life to maintain.

We wouldn't want to tarnish that golden status.

And then the lies start rolling in.

 

You knew damn well what you were doing - you knew damn well who you were breaking.

 

Lies.

Why?

We all know the truth.

You were there. You know the truth.

I was there. I know the truth.

And if others thought hard enough.....hell, I don't have to say it. They know the truth.

One can only hide behind lies and deflections and distractions for so long. The truth always seeps to the surface.

 

I understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible, and how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you.

It doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your girlfriends.....you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong, or how you could have misunderstood, and how in the hell, for that brief moment, you could think that you were that happy.

And sometimes, you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. And after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new, and you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again, and the little pieces of your soul will finally come back. And all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will eventually begin to fade.

 

And then these thoughts take over.

 

He's going to be sorry he lost you.

Stop worrying.

Forget the past.

Forget the pain.

Remember what an incredible woman you are.

 

So, fuck him.

Fuck her.

Each as pathetic as the other, and that's a warped competition.

Two pathetic lives like that deserve each other.

To pretend all day long to friends. To family. To co-workers. To children.

How tiring.

But you will face the music, lying in the dark. Your own judgment day, so to speak.

 

 

 

 

Maybe someday I will tell my story. At the end of the day, we all just want to be heard.

 

 

 

 

Movie Review - Gone Girl

 

"This man may kill me."

 

 

 

Since I recently finished this book, I had to get to the theater to see the movie while it was still out. It did NOT disappoint. The acting was superb. The ending still wasn't what I wanted it to be (in fact, I was quite livid), but hey, it is what it is. And let's face it, two men doing frontal nudity? That's going to get a lot of ladies to this movie. ;) I definitely recommend reading the book first, but this is definitely a case where the movie follows it damn near 100% - the good, the bad, and the seriously intense. A psychological thriller at its finest.

 

On a side note, go do the VIP thing at the Village Cinemas. We sat up in these cushy seats, had drinks and dinner, and really enjoyed the movie. It's definitely the way to see a movie!

 

 

The Second Round of Fall Family Shoots

The second weekend of shoots is now totally edited and distributed to my clients. These two groups were fun and we lucked out on some great weather.

Amy & Zach {wedding}

This was my last wedding. I'm finally done! And admittedly, I really dragged my feet in getting this editing done. I wasn't motivated to finish it up, but I'm sure glad it's over with now!  Zach is the son of a family friend, who has cut our hair since the beginning of time. It was really a fun day that turned into a crazy party as the night went on. Since I knew quite a few of the people there, I was more than happy to drink on the job. ;)  Made those last couple of hours more tolerable.

Book Review - Gone Girl

 

This book was recommended to me by my best friend, Meag. I was initially interested in this book since a movie was made from it, starring Ben Affleck. Then Meag told me it was really good, so I had to dive in and find out for myself. 

 

Here is one official synopsis from Amazon:

 

Marriage can be a real killer.    One of the most critically acclaimed suspense writers of our time, New York Times bestseller Gillian Flynn takes that statement to its darkest place in this unputdownable masterpiece about a marriage gone terribly, terribly wrong. The Chicago Tribune proclaimed that her work “draws you in and keeps you reading with the force of a pure but nasty addiction.” Gone Girl’s toxic mix of sharp-edged wit and deliciously chilling prose creates a nerve-fraying thriller that confounds you at every turn.    On a warm summer morning in North Carthage, Missouri, it is Nick and Amy Dunne’s fifth wedding anniversary. Presents are being wrapped and reservations are being made when Nick’s clever and beautiful wife disappears from their rented McMansion on the Mississippi River. Husband-of-the-Year Nick isn’t doing himself any favors with cringe-worthy daydreams about the slope and shape of his wife’s head, but passages from Amy's diary reveal the alpha-girl perfectionist could have put anyone dangerously on edge. Under mounting pressure from the police and the media—as well as Amy’s fiercely doting parents—the town golden boy parades an endless series of lies, deceits, and inappropriate behavior. Nick is oddly evasive, and he’s definitely bitter—but is he really a killer?    As the cops close in, every couple in town is soon wondering how well they know the one that they love. With his twin sister, Margo, at his side, Nick stands by his innocence. Trouble is, if Nick didn’t do it, where is that beautiful wife? And what was in that silvery gift box hidden in the back of her bedroom closet?   

 

From a psychological standpoint, this book is incredible. The husband and wife are both psychos, so I get quite the giggle out of this "marriage". Reminds me of people I used to know.  This book captivated me from the very beginning. I remember thinking to myself "holy shit, this is so great!" And then there would be a massive twist and I would read on for hours on the new tangent. I would have to agree with most of the reviews out there, Gillian Flynn really does have a flare for the dramatics. However, having raved about the book, I was incredibly disappointed with the ending. I really needed it to go in a different direction, with a more satisfying end for all of the characters. I feel like Flynn touched on several different scenarios, only to drop them and just end the book. So in that respect, I hope the movie has a different ending. Overall, though, I would still recommend this book. It's a psychological thriller at its finest.

The First Round of Fall Family Shoots

I opened up my annual fall family shoot special for a very limited time this year. I selected a few dates and decided to just take what I felt comfortable with, versus taking them ALL and trying to cram in shoots and editing, and going insane in the process. Here are some shots from the first round:

 

This family was new to me, and the two boys made the shoot rather difficult. The older boy, a senior in high school, definitely didn't want to be there and really gave me nothing to work with. All attitude and little cooperation. I wanted to toss him into one of the ponds at Kathryn Albertson Park.

 

 

 

 

 

 

This family returned from last year and I was pretty anxious about it. The twin boys were not exactly cooperative last year, and that's being polite. This year wasn't really all that much better. Most of the stuff I got was candid because there wasn't much interest in the camera.

 

 

 

 

 

Round two was much better - stick around!