The Quiet Before the Storm

Life is about to get super busy - wedding season is kicking off, starting this weekend, along with several travel weekends (both for fun and for work). My new job started this week and has been really great thus far. I truly couldn't ask for a better place! In the meantime, I've been enjoying the quiet because I know it is short-lived.

A Trip Up North

Last week, I made a last-minute decision to get the heck out of Boise and take the kids for a visit to see Dana, Veronica, and Easton. I needed a road-trip with my kids, a visit with my brother, and some fresh air to clear my mind of people who have nothing better to do with their time than sit around and play mind games. It's nauseating, tiring, and frankly, pathetic. And a visit to the fresh, northern Idaho air was just what the doctor ordered. The kids did great with the ride, though we were set back on Whitebird due to a terrible accident, and we made good time. 

 

 

Friday evening was spent with a pizza dinner, followed by drinking and games after the kids were in bed. Followed by more drinking, therapeutic cleansing of the mind (also known as a crazy amount of shit-talking, one hell of a pissed off brother, and laughter), and more drinking. It was a crazy night, and one that I will remember forever simply because of the advice and pep-talk from Dana and Veronica.

I can laugh about the entire situation now simply because I see it for what it truly was, and am truly grateful to be removed from the.....shitstorm? Yes, that's what we'll call it. Having a guy's take on the complete lines of bullshit I had been fed for years was something I needed to hear, and I'm thankful to my brother for this.

 

 

 

 

We had already decided that Saturday morning would be spent hiking in the mountains of Coeur d'Alene. Since Easton wakes up so early, all of that drinking from the night before suddenly didn't seem like the greatest of ideas. Were we still drunk? We had a big breakfast and slowly got ourselves and the kiddos ready to head out the door. A couple of hours later, we were finally at the mountain base for our hike. I knew it was a strenuous hike and I was prepared for it. I wasn't, however, prepared for carrying Kendall virtually the whole way up the mountain, and back down. She wasn't into the hike at all and wanted to be carried. Even walking on the flatter portions of the trail was NOT her cup of tea. She kept telling me "mommy, this is hard" or "my legs hurt". She cried every time I made her walk. It turned a strenuous hike into an impossible one, but I stuck with it. There was even an older gentleman with his wife, who commended me as a "super mom" - taking his hat off and bowing to me. Rather funny, but I was exhausted!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We were all exhausted, actually, and everyone in the house took a 3.5 hour nap. After the nap, Veronica made us dinner and then we headed to downtown Coeur d'Alene to check out a new park. The kids had a great time running all over the place. We attempted to watch a movie (Due Date, one of our favorites) after the kids went to bed, but I think all of the physical activity of the day caught up to us again, and we hit the hay rather early.

 

 

 

 

Sunday morning was another quiet one...just breakfast, followed by watching Dana and Carter play catch. They are such great buds and Carter really looks up to Dana. It made my heart happy to watch them play. The drive home was rather stressful as I hit rain from Lewiston through Whitebird. Whitebird was actually a bear, and really scared me on a couple of the turns. But we made it home without incident and I'm so glad I had the time to take the trip with the kids.

 

 

A new adventure is about to begin - I'm hoping this is something great for me. I can't run the risk of jinxing it, so hopefully a big announcement is coming soon!

Make the Leap

The vast majority of humans are creatures of habit. We stay in the groove. We find something that works, and we stick with it. And why not? You know the saying....."if it ain't broke..." You know how it goes.  And on the opposite side of that, even when things ARE broken, humans are still creatures of habit. We stay in the groove. It's familiar. It's comfortable. We are scared of change.

However, what if:

Do you rise to the challenge? When things are broken, do you go out and get that "everything" that you've ever wanted? Or do you remain stagnant? Do you stick with the familiar and the comfortable, and ignore all of those "everythings" that truly are just out of reach?

This year has involved some major steps for me, well outside of my comfort zone. It's incredible what you find out there.

Done

The decree has been signed by the judge and the legal part of this process is over. Obviously interaction and co-parenting will still be in play for quite some time to come.

I've been feeling a number of different emotions lately. Relief is the most prominent. I feel like all of the threats and poor behavior can finally stop - I can't be held "hostage" anymore.

The feelings of failure do not exist for me anymore. Granted, the marriage itself didn't succeed, but I haven't failed my children. They still have two parents who love them more than anything. They will still have a wonderful life filled with adventures.

I have learned many lessons during the course of this relationship. I hope that HE has learned even more.

I feel like there is so much more to say, but I'm going to keep the majority of my thoughts and feelings private.

Onward and upward, and here's to many more adventures.

Every Storm Runs Out of Rain

As I wait for the final decree to be signed by the judge, this song really hits home. It's been a trying couple of weeks. I have stopped, several times, to wonder when the conflict is going to end. When the fighting will stop. When we will just be divorced people co-parenting two amazing kids. Maybe we have reached that point. Time will tell.

Every Storm Runs Out of Rain

Gary Allan

Oh, so your standing in the middle of the thunder and lightning.
I know you're feeling like you just can't win, but you're trying.
It's hard to keep on keepin' on, when you're being pushed around.
Don't even know which way is up, you just keep spinning down, 'round, down...

Every storm runs, runs out of rain,
 just like every dark night turns into day.
Every heartache will fade away,
 just like every storm runs, runs out of rain.

So hold your head up and tell yourself that there's something more,
 and walk out that door.
Go find a new rose. Don't be afraid of the thorns,
'cause we all have thorns.
Just put your feet up to the edge, put your face in the wind,
 and when you fall back down, keep on rememberin'.

Every storm runs, runs out of rain,
 just like every dark night turns into day.
Every heartache will fade away,
 just like every storm runs, runs out of rain.

It's gonna run out of pain.
It's gonna run out of sting.
It's gonna leave you alone.
It's gonna set you free.
Set you free.

Every storm runs, runs out of rain,
 just like every dark night turns into day.
Every heartache will fade away,
 just like every storm runs, runs out of rain.

It's gonna set you free,
 it's gonna run out of pain,
 and set you free.

Weekend Recap

This was a very trying weekend for me. Well, the latter portion was. The first portion was pretty fun - Friday night, the kids and I cleaned up the house and then had a movie night after dinner. We had a great time and they even slept in a little bit Saturday morning. We spent a little bit on Saturday afternoon doing some baseball practice with my parents. It was a tad windy, so Kendall was pretty much miserable the entire time. Even though it was in the 60s, that wind made it feel much colder. The temps are supposed to be higher this weekend, so I'm sure we will hit the field again for more practice.

 

 

Someone should really open his eyes when batting. ;)

 

 

 

 

 

Saturday night, we had a great time with dinner and wrestling around. I started prepping my camera gear for a shoot on Sunday, and Carter asked me if we could set the timer and take some pictures. I just love it when he asks that - we always have a good time laughing at the silly pictures we get.

 

 

 

She always has to check to make sure Carter is smiling, too.

 

 

Late afternoon on Sunday, I had an engagement shoot with this fun couple. I am shooting their wedding later this year and I can't wait! We had a great time roaming around some land out in New Plymouth. We got some great shots and I will share them soon!

 

There is More

The papers have been filed.

 

Now we commence the waiting game.

 

Even in the darkest of times, there is light.

 

I see the brightest spot of sunshine and a smile comes over my face.

 

I know.

 

There is more.

 

 

Changing Times

As a fiercely independent person, I embrace this quote. So many people fear being alone. I welcome it, in moderation. In this time of great change, I need alone time to reflect on the person I need to be, for myself and for my kids. The future is scary, but I CAN do this.

Last night was the first night of the new custody schedule. After watching the Superbowl at my parents' house, I went home. My own house was empty. My kids were with their father at his new house. I knew they would be fine. I knew they were making forts to have a "camp out" with their sleeping bags, pillows, and stuffed animals. Apparently they had been playing on the stairs all night...which of course made me nervous for Kendall. What if she woke up in the middle of the night and started wandering around and fell down the stairs? I bet I thought of this a thousand times throughout the night. I know she will get used to the house and this won't be an issue, but my mind still goes there.

At the end of the day, this decision was so easy, yet so hard. Obviously it needed to be done and we needed to remove the negativity from our life.  My children were my primary focus, and I am determined to make this a positive change for them. Sure, their lives will be different than what we had planned so long ago. But different doesn't always have to mean "bad". And they will have everything in life they would have had, and that's all that matters. Sure, it will be a little different, but that's okay. Truly, it is. We will all roll with the punches, like we always have. The game plan may have changed a little bit, but the focus and determination to provide a great life for our kids will never change.

On a personal level, I plan to embrace this. There are many things I know I need to change about myself, within myself. This is that time. There are many things that scare me, but fear has never stopped me. I always welcome challenge, and here it is, staring me in the face. Challenge accepted.